1) I am truly fascinated by the reasons one person drinks a "grande decaf nonfat latte" only from Starbucks while others insist on starting their morning with a 36 oz, Starbucks-is-the-root-of-evil cup of Joe from a local Pump & Munch.

2) I am ready and willing to fearlessly pursue the truth, going so far as to eat an entire Fear Factor Gross-Out Gummy Pizza just to discover why on Earth anything so patently absurd gets created, distributed, and consumed in America—and by whom.

3) When it comes to defending the insights I discover to CMOs of the Fortune 500, I am perfectly comfortable saying, “The truth? You can’t handle the truth, but I’m going to tell you anyway,” in a manner that is completely cordial and 100% convincing.